The Best Mallu Wins - Results

Its time for the much awaited (bah..!) results for the Best Mallu Wins contest. The winner receives one of the wallet that’s in the picture below :
There’s something for the others too for their participation. It’s a gift voucher from Baskin Robbins worth Rs.100. Thanks a lot guys.
And the winner is Rakesh, for his complete nonsensical translation. It is nowhere related to what I meant in the actual post. Rakesh as far as I know is a complete weirdo and is one of the few SRK fans still alive. He has been a regular commentor here right from the beginning and has just started blogging too. And I don’t know if I should feel happy or ashamed to tell this, but he says I am his inspiration. Now, that’s the second person to get inspired from V-lokam ! They would have thought, “if this guy can, then why not me , huh?”

Ok, guys, now all that I need is your postal address, and so request you to send it to vimmuuu@gmail.com at the earliest for shipment.

Below is the award winning post and the way it was translated. Non-mallus, you aint gonna enjoy this, I am sorry.

"this postman is cutting mutton[our poor goat] near the lake!!!"
Ee lekhanam oru lekku ketta mattaaa !!!

Randaayirathi ezhu kazhinju kondirikkumbol, enikku oru cheriya budhi thonni.
After 2007 while I was drinking kanji,i had a small brain
Randaayirathi ettilu ente ee kochu lokathilu ente maathrubaashayil oru lekhanam ezhudiyaalo ennu.
In 2008 one of my daughters in the world decided to write a love letter in my country language to the post man.
Adum aangaleya vaakkugal ottum upayogikaande !
My uncle walks with a goat without using an auto.
Kashtamaanennu enikku appazhey thonni, kaaranam njaan chindikkunnadum pravarthikkunnadum aangaleyathilaanu.
I felt like nature calling me[shitting], Coz if I feel I do it with my uncle
Uttavaurde koode maathramaanu ente maathrubaashayude prayogam.
I use my country language only near a closed nest or maybe in the closet!
Enikkaanengil swantham baashayil theerey ezhudaanum arinjooda.
if I am a man I can tell bad words to my close ones and also I will gave seven sacrifices to a judo master named arin
Ente orma sheriyaanengil, idinu munpe idu pole ezhudiyadu paththilu padikkumbozhaanennaa.
I had a short term memory loss before.. I wrote on a pole where a dog was in the loo near my door step singing a song “zhannoo.. shanoo..nanena”
Anganey ikkollam kazhiyaaraayi, enaalum pandaaradangan oru vishayavum kittiyilla ezhudaan.
I tried to kill hanuman in kollam after 6 am… then kungu panda alias dangan [younger brother of dingan] tried to find a kitty seven times.
Kashtam thane, alley? Pinnendinaa ee koppu aarambichennaavum palavarudeyum
chodyam.
Shit near the alley! Thn why is the cops questioning the Arabic and Chinese and the man frm pala simply
Endaa cheyya, njaan onnilu irangi thirichaal, adu poorthiyaakkaande vidoola.
Wht will I do? I went into 1 underground and lighted a Chaala[fish]..the poor goat saw the fire and now he wont leave it..
Pinne vichaarichoo idippo ezhudiyaalum aaraa vaayikkyaa?
Thn I thought I write abt idiyappam[beating cake]..i have to feed 6 mouths
Ente ee oru lokathilu, parichayam ullavaril malayaligal kammiya.
One malayalee kameena stole my locket
Baakiyullavaru idu vaaayikkaan thuninjaal ente thalakku nalla asugam undennu karudum,
His friends beat me up near a pillar.my head feels so bad and I think I have a dust particle in my round eyes.
allengil ente ee lokathil edo maaragamaaya krimi pettu kidappundennu vichaarikkum.
It seems tht there was some dangerous virus reproducing inside my locket..now they r thinking abt kidnapping me..
Aaru endu vichaarichaalum pullaanennu karudaanum vayya.
Whtever the 6 ppl think abt me..i gave grass to the tired garuda bird.
Ivide ippo enikkaayittu oru nilayum vilayum undu, adu kalanju kudikaan njaan thayyarumalla.
I have a nice blue villa..and I wont allow my goat to drink and throw up in my house.
Njaan munbe soochipicha pole, endaa ezhudaa ennu aalochichu angudum ingudum nadannu.
I was in Mumbai, begging and selling needles near a pole, I used to write on the walls roaming here n there.
Oru ethum pidiyum kittunilla.
No one is touching me.
Nammude naatile ippozhathey sthithiye kurichu ezhudaa ennu paranjaal, adum malayalathilu, bayankara budhimuttaa.
We have an internet problem..our goat knows how to write in Malayalam..he wrote abt the cross..now he is in trouble
Kore ere vishakalanathinu sheshamaanu ee oru kali kalikkaam ennu vichaarichey.
After I lost many visas..i decided to take a bath after a long time.
Ivide ulla ellaa malayaligalkkum oru pani paninja maadiriyum aavum.
All the malyalis got infected by the virus.. now all r sick and mad
Idokke idey pole, valli pulli vidaandey, vaakugalude artham vethyaasam varuthaadey tharjama cheyya ennu paranjaa chillarakaaryaaa??
Thn this happened near a pole..a big spotted cheetah demaded us to know the meaning..we fried him added some tar and put him in a jar bottle and sold him for a few pennies.
Ee oru varsham inganey thanne avasaanikkanamennaavum avarude okke vidhi(orakkeychirikkunnu)!!!
Lets shout “eeeee” this year and sing near thane and this year might end if they r okay with idiot [ohh rakky laughing near the hill]

V-loka vikrithikal (in pic)
The poet is drunk[wheel] and is in critical condition! (veelo 'ka vi' krithikal)