Feb 15, 2009

Hate is too big a word while Love is too small !

People, this post will go nowhere, its supposed to be this way, completely haywire. In case you expect a beginning and an end, I am sorry.
.......….and yeah, don’t expect anything in the body too !

Feb 14th is one day which I will remember forever; especially this years’. I made a couple cry; no, I made them weep. He searched for his lungis end to wipe his tears while she found resort on the pillow; for a solid 2 and a half hours. I had no regrets making my parents weep on a day when they are supposed to be only loved. And partly responsible for this is Aamir Khan. I made them watch one of his movies. No, not Mann or Mela and for those who couldn’t tolerate Ghajini, its not that either. They were a little hesitant initially to watch a Hindi flick, because according to my dad, Hindi movies doesn’t reflect the common man problems and is filled with flashy songs, foreign locales, item numbers and dakkooos !! So I literally made them watch Taare Zameen Par, and now thanks to Aamir, I could convince my dad to watch some of the best Hindi movies that were released recently.

I normally don’t celebrate Feb 14th. Not because it’s a day named after some saint and that I don’t believe in it. And also not because I was expecting pink chaddis to reach my apartment. My mom was born 54 years ago on this day and on this particular day I have always given priority only to my mom that no other woman can take that place even in the future. I don’t get involved in any of the valentine day activities, though I have never gifted my mom anything on her birthday all these years (hiding my face!). This year when I really wanted to, she wasn’t ready to accept asking me not to spend !!! Mothers, I say !!! All I could do was take them out for a wonderful dinner along with her relatives (yeah, they happen to be my relatives too !). and to further satisfy my quench, I took all of them to a mushy Tamil movie (Abhiyum Naanum) today. Well, once again, they weeped and were happy ! LOL.

Btw, I just wanted a couple of you to know that Valentines Day isn’t celebrated among lovers alone. Its just a day to show your love, and it could be to your brother, sister, mom, dad, grandparents, best friend, neighbour (of course, not his wife !) anyone ! Some of you might find it incestuous or weird, but to me its not. “Its all about loving your family”(quoted by Karan Johar). I had received a card long ago from my brother and there are hundreds of them available on net and probably the hallmark / archie store next to you. Search in the net and you will know more !

There is nothing wrong in expressing love through cards, gifts or even through gestures. I have no idea how to and I can’t. It doesn’t mean my heart is made up of any hard metal, I express what I feel for others by giving them small surprises, by making them cheerful, being with them even if they don’t need, by not giving up on them and by not letting them down, given any circumstance. I give all attention that I can, but when people demand attention that is beyond my capacity, it suffocates me. And in my struggle to breathe, they start judging and arriving at their own conclusions of what I feel for them. Further attempts to suffocate me in terms of self pitying or attention seeking are nothing but torture! I do have emotions, but demanding sympathy with an over dose of emotions is equal to tormenting me. Believe me, self pitying is an art; only few can master it and if tried on vulnerable people, it is sure to work wonders! LOL. Such acts when exhibited publicly are even big a turn off. Feelings, expressions, love, or, whatever they name it, are supposed to be within oneself or within a closed circle. Letting others know that one is hurt or obsessed with tinges of sadism is cheap and only relates to the emotional stability that one has.

On the other hand, hating a person for me is tough; unless provoked to an extent that I begin hating my own existence. I try my best not to, but at times, I am left with no choice. Also, don’t we hate and hurt certain people only because we love them more ???

Hate, according to me, is too big a word while Love is too small a word to express !!!

This post actually came up when people started questioning about my blog activities. They wanted to comment on some post that is not related to awards and tags ! LOL. I rarely write anything serious here, and thats because I dont know how to be that way. I know my limitations pretty well :D My posts and the comments that I leave in your blogs are more or less casual. Well, when you are not in your senses, you lose your humor and tend to incline towards philosophy !! and thats what happened to this post. Frankly speaking, I am using this space and my time to have some fun. and I must admit, in the process, I have learned a lot too. I would love to learn more, so all you fellow bloggers out there, keep blogging !!! LOL !

Pic courtesy Google and some Hugh !

PS : I did warn you about the structure of the post, didnt I ?


Oxy said...

I did not find this incoherent or disjointed. And any sane person will say the same. It was well structured. U r too modest a person, now I know that.

Rakesh said...

i know its a bad time to joke...so will tell u whenever i get u online.

tht was one helluva OPEN WAR letter, Man!!

cool down bro! u r sounding too philosophical!

abhey..tension nahi lene ka..mast rehne ka!!

Nautankey said...

Wow i am happy to see that even normal people can put posts as if they r under influence of weed :P :P

myheadtrip said...

Vimmuuu...I was just nodding right through my reading of this. I was planning to write something akin to this post. Probably will some day, once I am done with the never ending tags!!! :)
Valentine's day to me has always been one that is a commercial day...just like how days like Danteras & Akshaya thrithiya have become now. A day for merchandise to be pushed.
Wish your mum a very happy birthday. She will not expect gifts and you don't need to hide your face for not giving her any. Though, if you did give any, it will be treasured by her with the note saying why are you spending so much!! (experience from what happens with my mum! ;) )
Material things do not exhibit love to one person, but is not wrong either...picking out something small - will be cherished by the other (need not be expensive! ;) )
About self pity...well, funny thing is even when you are not wallowing in it, there would be people who say you are! Attention seeking is something many of us do. It is just how much pity and how much attention!!

An aside...something that triggered in my memory after seeing the picture posted and this line "don’t we hate and hurt certain people only because we love them more ???". When I said these to a certain someone; the answer was that I suffered from BPD. Don't know what it is...google it :D
Will catch you sometime soon...

ramya said...

I completely disagree with you when you said "don’t we hate and hurt certain people only because we love them more".I only hate and hurt certain people when i really HATE them.I would never resort to this sadism if i loved them.I might do and say hurtful things when i am angry (yeah i have an acute case of BPD - Bi Polar Disorder)but later on i regret it immensely and apologise.
Hate is a very strong word and i have used it for only one woman in our family...and you know who!!!

Smita said...


Sometimes it is good to let your keyboard go where your heart n keys take it...and this exactly what has happened here :)

BTW In so many years you haven't gifted anything to ur mom??? Glad that u atleast hid your face :D

Cheer up man, start thinking about new things, keep ur mind diverted :)

Arrghh!!! That was some sane comment I wrote...please write an insane post soooooonnnn!!!!

Aaarti said...


That disclaimer was totally not needed.. post made too much sense actually!! :d

Woww, it was mom's bday.. sweet!! wish her belated bday from me.. and happy V day to u ...sent a text,dont know if u got it!!:D
I wish all friends on this day, cos to me LOVE is all around...not just in the ONE !!:)

have a lovely day vimala..oops..vimmuuu!!! lolz

Poonam Sharma said...

Ahh..we all write for our pleasure. So its fine. :)

And I agree, Valentine's day is not only about loving your partner. And you could gift your parents a trip or some spa coupons. These are the things your Mom should enjoy. :)

And you know what you are right, we hate those whom we love more. :)

Bedazzled said...

Chill , machan.. :-)..Philosophy and Vimmuuu .. well , well .. whats happened to the world ?? :-).. belated bday wishes to mom and u r dad is correct in his observation abt hindi movies .. too much glitter and gloss..

verbivorehere said...

ditto with smitha

Solilo said...

You are right about Valentine's Day. When I was in College it was more about celebrating with family thing. Even here in schools it is celebrated that way. I don't know why suddenly it is only limited to lovers.

So you made them cry by showing them TZP? Hey! you could gift them something personal like something your parents absolutely love..books or music cds. or if nothing else then a gift card to your mom's fav. saree shop.

Even though parents keep refusing things, they do appreciate our surprises. Trust me.

You are right. You take liberty with the ones you are closest to.

mirrorcracked said...

"don’t we hate and hurt certain people only because we love them more ???"

Um, no dude. Not unless we're sadists... And to an extent, masochists... Think about it.
Also, I think the concept of V-day is kinda weird to begin with...

Sorry to hear about you-know-what... Lets see what happens in the future... Love Guru's advice can be sought, if you want it, at a nominal fee of a few beers... :)

SONEETA said...

LOVE and HATE both are too big words for me...Neither can you say someone "i love you" easily nor can you say "i hate you" without difficulty.But all narrows down to understanding between two people, may it be your friend or your partner.if you don't understand you just cant love them..
And the most important in a relation is "Mutual Understanding" "Mutual Trust" and "Personal Space"..Itz only then you will be comfortable in a relation and you can really say"i love you" a lot easily and will never feel like saying ' i hate you"

Veena Chech said...

Nice post..but really don't completely agree to this statement of uers "don’t we hate and hurt certain people only because we love them more"...Yeah sometimes we do hurt them...but then I think thats not because we hate them, probably coz of the confidence in the LUV which we have for them...Anyways not giving a gift to uer mom for her b'day..being a mom myself I now say u don't have to give a gift!! None of these materialistic things matter..
Was touched by few bits from uer post..This year like every year its my mom who gives call early morning and wishes me for my b'day..I was waiting for the call and was not getting one..then I thought may be she forgot..or may be would have thought since I just came back after staying with them for a couple of weeks she must have thought of something..I was ofcourse feeling very uncomfortable..but keeping myself cool..then at around 8 I got the call..and I said to my mom..I thought u must have forgot..and her immediate reply was will u forget Malloo's b'day?? I was really speechless and thats when I understood what Mom is..that one sentence left with so many thoughts..
Again nice post!!Take care..

Anonymous said...

I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's day, so I tied my girlfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV.

Anonymous said...

Did you read about the latest 'Pink Chaddi campaign'? It's a protest against the Sri Ram Sena that happened on the eve of V-Day. People were encouraged to send 'Panties' to Sri Ram Sena office. Seems the SRS folks managed to receive 2000+ panties on that day! Not bad eh? Look out for the new Lingerie shop at your locality :-P

Rakesh Vanamali said...

Vimmuuu......belated birthday wishes to your Mom!

This post seems straight out of ur insides!!!!

Sakhi said...

hey that was a good post and i dont think it was at all without "sir,pair and in-between" hee..he...

I too believe that the v-day is for teh family too and not only for lovers, but hurting the person you love??? Isnt that a way too much to show your love?

nimis540 said...

You have been tagged Vimmuu,please see my latest post :)

Reema said...

Yup! totally agree with u..V day is for love..for anybody :)
And yes sometimes we hate them the most whom we have loved the most at some point of time.

Reeta said...

"don’t we hate and hurt certain people only because we love them more ???"
I dont agree wid this, however hard we try we can never hate someone whom we loved a lot.... mebbe we can pretend we hate them, but we will never wish that they should suffer, if it was true love and affection in the first place....I cud never hate anyone in my life....
Valentines day should not be the only day we express the love and regards we hv 4 someone, each moment spent shud be treasured!Its not only for the people who are in love, its a day to show how much a person means to us!!

Mahesh Sindbandge said...

I simply loved the post..
Not for its being "valentine's day is to expressing LOVE to whoever you love" but for the way it maintained the practicality,maturity and wittiness through out the post.
It simply needs no introduction.This post introduced itself and said good bye...but leaves its footprints back there.
wonderful vimmuu

vimmuuu said...

@ Oxy :


@ Rakesh :

Glad you realised that you arent supposd to joke. LOL. I didnt mean war buddy. Everything just came out after a lot of silence!

@ Vinod :

LOL. U spoiled me, you brat !

@ Apar :

Tags are fun, but they take a lot of time, I agree. Well, atleast for the other days, its meant for some religion. I dont think V-day falls under any religion.or does it?
I know she would treasure, gotta get her something as a surprise. otherwise,it aint gonna happen.
I am totally against self pity and attention seeking; especially since the last couple of months.

and BPD, I just got it from ramya from her comment below yours !

vimmuuu said...

@ Ramya :

"I only hate and hurt certain people when i really HATE them.I would never resort to this sadism if i loved them" -- so you have never hurt your parents or brothers or even your husband?? not even once?? If no, then I bow down !!

Regretting and apologising after committing such a huge mistake is of no use; especially when the person at the other end is hurt terribly. You kill a person and then say sorry to his/her family, whats the use? The damage is already done, the scar is already created. You just cant mask it. A scar in a relationship remains a scar ! Probably, the only reason why you still have a problem with that one woman in the family!

@ Smita :

The whole last para of my post was dedicated to you, didnt you notice??LOL. and you still want an insane post !!

@ Aaarti :

It did? Theres something worng with my structure, then? I mean, my brains!

I didnt get your V-day message, guess you sent it to vimala !! LOL.

@ Poonam :

yup, for our own pleasure; like we care for others, hmmpphhh. LOL !!! My mom wouldnt enjoy all that. But I need to get her some thing!

Im glad some of you agree to that !

vimmuuu said...

@ Bhargavi :

I know. Whats happening to this world?? I am possessed, I guess :D

@ Verbivorehere :

Ditto with my reply to Smita :D

@ Solilo :

I know, it was one of my blogger friend who said celebrating V-day withing a family sounds incentous. I hope she is reading this !LOL.

Yeah, I need to get them something.A surprise, thats the only way.

@ Nikhil :

I agree to disagree with you buddy. You take the liberty to hurt the people whom you care the most. They would understand! Like I asked Ramya, havnt you hurt your parents or your preciouss even once? Its not about sadism, but thats how relationships are!

You know what, I need to take your advise, love -guru. But please, I dont want to appear nude in front of a 40 year old woman !!!

vimmuuu said...

@ Soneeta :

You spoke more philosophical than me!!! It sounded more like Joeys 'receiving' and 'giving' !!! LOL. Dont hit me the next time you meet !!!

@ Veenachechi :

Thats exactly what I meant too. not the physical hurt, but we do take the liberty in hurting them because we feel they understand us better.

Your mothers words really touched the strings of my heart too. Its true, however we are, and whereever we are, its only parents and siblings who would care for you. they would stand by you for whatever you have done. Thanks chechi!

@ Anonymous :


@ Rakesh 2 :

Yup, straight out of the deepest of my insides. LOL.

vimmuuu said...

@ Sakhi :

LOL. Welcome back Sakhi !

There are people who hurt their loved ones by suicidal threatens. Not going anywhere near that. LOL.

@ Nimmy :

Thanks, will do it soon.

@ Reema :

and yeah, the sad thing is people dont understand that too !

@ Reets :

Hate has nothing to do with wishing a person suffer. You have got me wrong there completely. One doesnt need to curse if he/she hates a person. Hate is just a feeling, dont mix it up with anger and frustration. I have the same answer for you that I had for Ramya. Knowingly or unknowingly, we would have hurt a lot of our loved ones in our life and we cant deny that. Its the liberty we take, its the level of comfort we have in the person.

"I cud never hate anyone in my life"- I somehow cant believe in this cliche' statement that is saccharine sweet mixed with hypocricy. Given a situation, wont you hate the best of your friends even if he/she misbehaved with you, atleast with words ???

@ Mahesh :

Welcome to V-Lokam and thanks for dropping in your comments.

Thanks for those sweet words too, though I laughed at myself initially.

vishesh said...

hmmm....come on the post was coherent... :P

kanaguonline said...

Belated birthday wishes to your mom vimal... its a nice post... its a day to pour love on everybody.... well written

oorjas said...

guess i am too late but still..

'I give all attention that I can, but when people demand attention that is beyond my capacity, it suffocates me.' it is the same with me.

and we hurt the ones we love most coz we feel we have rights on them and we go one step too far.. take them for granted.

harshasrisri said...

thnx for writing the post! else, i shud have written it. i dont hate Vday coz I'm single. but coz ppl feel tht this is the only spl day. personally, the most spl day to me wud be if my lover were playing games(!) with me the whole day and i be mocking every game of hers! it is mindless teasing with more hatred filled in u than normal. but this mockery can cause u to love her more and her, u!

that apart, I'm proud of u for making ur parents weep for good reasons. (prolly the best) I'd love to see a day when ur son or daughter will give the same to u too. Dont forget to blog about it my frnd! :) ;)

Destination Infinity said...

That was a good post. But there is one thing that is unanswered : Do we hate Muthalik? If so, is that also because we love him so much and take him for granted? You could answer this at least for the women :-)

Destination Infinity