Oct 16, 2008

Sorry my lord, I didnt mean to harass her !!!

Disclaimer : This is not any kind of chauvinist post and I don’t intend to offend anyone, rather take it in a light way. If you still feel that the post hurts, then I would request you to take a break or probably attend the Art of Living classes.
The above picture was taken from Alleppey-Bokharo Express.

It reads :

Harassing women passengers is a punishable offence.

Any obscene remarks, teasing, touching, stares, gestures, songs and unwanted attention are all forms of sexual violence, punishable by up to two years or a fine under section 354A, 509 and 294 under Indian Penal Code and section 145 and 152 of the Railways Act.


I happened to notice this information on my way back from the rest room; strategically placed inside the train, near the entrance. I don’t know how or why I missed this pin up before but it sure did make me think for a while about the privileges a woman enjoy. I mean, do we men have any act that is even remotely close to this??? Don’t women harass men at all? The stories would be less in number, but I am sure there are. And they claim men and women are equal. Hmmph!!! It is not that we men aren’t afraid of women. Sometimes, men are too scared to react or behave in front of a woman thinking of the consequences. There are certain women who are simply unpredictable and who get offended very easily and believe me, such women ARE dangerous. However well mannered the man is, our Indian law/society would not believe him even if the woman makes a false / misunderstood allegation. That’s not fair, is it?

I returned to my seat with those Acts, Penal Codes and the newly developed inequality feeling in my mind. There was a middle aged woman in the same compartment. Gawd, I have this habit of singing or humming constantly and now I do have to think twice before I could do so. I had to be sure that the song didn’t have bad lyrics, vulgar picturisation or an ill famed actress? Aargh!!! Or even an inappropriate situation to sing the song would be enough for me to taste the bitterness of trouble. What if she stares at me for no reason, I can’t even return the stare!! I was getting settled in my seat when my Aquafina bottle fell and landed up near her foot. Oooooops, I just harassed her; that was an unwanted attention !!!

43 comments:

indiapavan said...

Actually i was thinking about this a long time ago. It seems the women are misusing the security given to them by the government. But you know what? We men are the reason why it got this worse. There is this abundant category of chauvinistic men who start harassing women through the above mentioned means. But the government should be sensible enough to provide a respite for misunderstood men.

soneeta said...

well well well...we don't harass u in public,until we r provoked.we face all these everyday,everywhr.sometimes some guys do make us feel really uncomfortable,thy stare as if thy hv never seen a grl.we r nt asking to close ur eyes whn we cross bt dont do it in a way whr we feel ashamed.n we can very well differentiate the normal look n decency of a guy n who thinks otherwise.

Varun said...

Even with all these rules, women in India still don't feel comfortable walking in public. What soneeta mentioned is absolutely correct. I have experienced it myself when one of my friends wanted to move away from the beach where we were seated to another place because few guys were staring at her.

And sometimes the gaze is just to inform a strange girl that she's looking good today. Now if they take that gaze in wrong spirit we are not the ones to be blamed.

Reeta said...

Well Women dont trouble men unless they are provoked to do so, at times the harassment gets so annoying that we retaliate, there are some indecent guys who will just do anything to get a lady's attention.I dont think that's the right way to get attention from someone.Its a much deserved poster to be put up in the trains or be it in any public transport, as women are having problems of insecurity, every other day in the news there are reports of women being harassed.There cud also be instances when men are subject to similar harassment from women, but they may be few and far, there are more cases to women being subject to harassment!

Oxy said...

Vimmuuu boy, I do not see any reason why you need to put disclaimer. It's your blog, your point of view and you are free to air it. Why apologize?

Now for the post I would say nicely put. The debate on Men vs Women have been going on for ages and will go on for centuries to come.

You will find both kinds amongst both sexes. Men ain't to be blamed all the time. There are women too who harass/rape/murder men and there are few women they take advantage of the law and put false case.

A very close friend took shit thrown by his ex-wife who along with her folks harassed and mentally tortured my friend. He finally put up a case. The case is solved, they are divorced now. But not before the guy had to shell out lakhs. The court indeed found the girl and her family guilty but yet the boy had to give her the money.

HUH!!! SO MUCH FOR EQUALITY. ALL SHAM.

AV said...

wtf?!? u harassed a middleaged woman?!? :O
lol...but wat soneeta had pointed out is 100% true. itfeels horribly awkward n embarassing to be stared at by men in public! i hateit tothe core. i mean staring is not wrong if it hasno wrong intentions, but withoutwrong itensions, y wud guys stare at unknown girls?!? it makes us feel so damn uncomfortablen insecure- believe me! this is d reason i even prefer taking jam-packed buseswith a decent female population rather than a not-so-crowded bus full of men alone! hmph.. now tats harassment- not 'by mistake letting a water bottle roll to a woman's feet'. :D of all the things! but how many girls stare at guys n even if so, how many guys get offended by a girl starting at him? guys actually enjoy being stared atbygirls. a matterof pride for them i m sure. lol
a nice funny post! :)
cheers

Sakhi said...

i agree that not always only males harrase femaes but it can be other way around too! But figuratively its very small and thats why probably its not made so public!!

verbivorehere said...

Travel with me one day from Marthahalli till ShivajiNagar and back - Just one day and I'll show you N number of men poking their arms at us for no reasons. Trying to rub themselves n our arms if we are sitting and worse peeping through the neckline even if we have covered ourselves with the longest, thickest duppatta we could get! Educated men might feel annoyed but just have a look at those uneducated and uncivilized the way they treat the girls! I shudder at the sight of a person kill a cockroach but i have it in my mind to slap all those people who do these stuffs "everyday" and make our journeys always a headache! if only i dint doubt that even "slapping" will please them as they would be touched in a way by a female! No offense meant buddy, jst wanted you to have a look at those fellows drool n th street.! And if u think that girls provoke them by wearing scanty dresses..ride on a crowded local bus and il show u the plight of we salwar wearers!

Reema said...

Sadly that sign doesnt stop men from trying to brush past in train or leering or touching when one is sleeping or trying to strike up unnecessary conversation asking personal details. In hostel life everytime when we travelled we never gave our real names or college to any person who was chatty.

The man who saw tomorrow said...

2 thallu kittumbo ninte inequalilty feeling marum :-P

Translation - 2 beetings u get your inequality feeling disappear :-P

And by the way, from experience, some 'girls' who pose to 'feel' humiliated and 'uncomfortable' by looks - chumma number alle? :-D

soneeta said...

sometimes we also enjoy some looks ;-)

Bedazzled said...

well , she wouldnt have minded too much, cos she must have been so used to leers and misbehaving men... granted there are a lot of "honourable"men out there , but there are equal number fo weirdos crawling all over the place ..thats why women are pre-programmed to distrust men they dont know ..

Veena said...

As others mentioned..u r lucky not have experienced things which we 'females' experience. For some people age is just not a barrier. I wouldn't be surprised if the middle aged women would have doubted u :)(I truly believe...u never had such intentions though :)).
The sad bit is even after putting up posters like this, there is no change is attitude of such people. It just stays on like any other poster..hardly noticed by anyone.
Can't even jot down the things I have experienced! So bad are some men out there..
Swear in UK so far haven't seen anything like this happening in public transport. Have travelled in such crowded trains..but never experienced neither have seen anyone misbehaving with other women. Of course they do non-sense in public, but harassing someone in public, I haven’t seen at all. I sometimes wonder if this happens only in Asian countries..??

myheadtrip said...

As you have put it, there are more atrocities by men than women. It would be such a small percentage in comparison. Reminded of the book Disclosure by Chrichton.
I have a friend who says she does not wants to come back to India for the sole reason of all the harassment she underwent from men. I was shocked when she related all to me once!! I hate traveling by public buses for the reason men think that a woman is there only to be brushed against or felt up!! The laws are not made to scare everyone; but to truly hinder such a*******. True, there are women who would take undue advantage of such situations and cry wolf; again the percentage is pretty less. There is no news of gharaoing of guys; but of death of girls due to eve teasing. Even with these laws, there are women who just silently endure horrible treatment for various other fears.

Mario said...

Vimmuuu ,,,, i guess u know me but the others would'nt as im new to this blogging stuff ,,, but then something that I wanted to share out here after I read ur post was ,,, everything said and done people who are going to harase would keep doing it ,, and poeple who are going to misundestand innocnent blood would keep doing it as well ,,, so where do we draw the line is the question ,,, yes , I have to agree with a few of the others who have stated that we men are the reason why women are given such care and concern ,, but then dont women also play a part in their own downfall ,,,, just a thought of mine...

mirrorcracked said...

We live in an unfair world, dude... I am putting up a sign that says, "Women cannot see me - punishable by dates!"
:D

vimmuuu said...

@ Pavan :

I dont believe in the Indian judiciary system. Its getting worser daily.

@ Soneeta :

Well well well, men dont feel uncomfortable when a woman stares, they get scared.

@ Varun :

U know what I do when people stare at me, I stare them back very obviously that they get embarassed. You should try it next time when you go out with the girls.

Btw, you are one of the gazers, arnt u??

@ Reeta :

I can understand. I have seen a lot of such attention seeking activities by men at public places. What we lack is the capability to react. Women most of the times adjust to the surroundings, ignore it and leave it as it is. According to me, when a man tries to harass, create a hungama then and there. He would learn a lesson.

vimmuuu said...

@ Oxy Boy :

When did I apologize??? LOL. I was just making sure I dont receive any comments like, " Vimal, you are a male chauvnist pig" ,etc. : )

Even I have come across a woman (I shouldnt be calling her this) who defamed me last year just because she wanted some attention from my end. which in turn resulted in a strained relationship with my best of friends. Though things are settled now, the scars dont seem to go away that easily !!! Men become misunderstood so easily.

@ AV :

I was getting serious myself with everyones comment and I burst into laughter the moment I read urs.
Well, I dont like getting stared, stares scare me. But you should do what I do when anyone stares inspite of ignoring it. Stare at them back so obviously that they shun away.

@ Sakhi :

Yes, its figuratively smaller and no one wants to know it too :D

@ Verbivore :

You got me all wrong here, or rather intention of the post. Iam not of the opinion that men dont harass women. Check out my comment for Reeta. Those kind of men should be taught a lesson. They dont deserve to be treated well in our society. I have heard that women keep safety pin with them to poke these kind of men while travelling. Its so disturbing that women have to actually go through all these to lead a normal life.

My intention of the post is very simple.Like women, even men get harassed. As Sakhi pointed it out, its figuratively less. All Iam asking is if there is a law for all those harassed/misunderstood men??

vimmuuu said...

@ Reema :

Thats because, those kinda men either fall under illiterates or educated illiterates; they cant read or they dont wish to read !!!

@ Sujith oops man who saw tomorrow :

LOL. Yeah, its all their antics, they do enjoy the stares at times !!!

@ Soneeta :

Yeah ,check out my reply above this.

@ Bhargavi :

Welcome back!! when are you starting your wordpress blog??

LOL.Well said; that was the smartest reply so far.

rakesh said...

So wht happend next??
r u in jail now?
...
[dude,i am not commenting on this topic.Dont make me do this..coz im afraid ur blog might get an 'A' rated certificate..sorry]

btw u cannot promote aquafina in this blog...i thought u were against pepsi! Dint u know aquafina is a pepsi product??How could u??!!

vimmuuu said...

@ Veena :

Its not about asian countries alone. I have heard similar instances of harassment from the US of A and Europe too. But again, not as much as what happens here in our beloved country. People here would stare at Bipashas Jism poster and end up having accidents, but they dont even care to notice these kind of posters!!!

@ Apar :

Exactly, why do women remain silent? Why dont they react? I have seen women react rudely in a restaurant or in a parlour, but when it comes to their body, these same women adjust, ignore and remain harassed.

@ Mario :

Welcome to V-Lokam.

I can understand what you meant buddy! Its time we all reacted. but who listens a mans plight against a woman, a scandal wudnt arise when its man against woman.

You are on track with your view, as I have mentioned in the above reply, women will keep getting harassed if they dont react. The law isnt that strict to scare thses kinda men. So its time they took initiatives.

@ Nikhil :

LOL. How do you alone come up with all these kinda gimmicks???

vimmuuu said...

@ Rakesh :

LOL. The woman picked me up by my collar, took me to the entrance where the sign was and asked me to read "unwanted attention" !!! LOL.

So many bad experiences with women, huh???

And dude, I am not against Pepsi Co. How can I have LAYS, then. I have avoided Aerated drinks, and thats just a resolution for this year.

Rekha said...

hmmmmm! its true that men dont have any kinda rule to protect them from women ;) ..but what kinda rule do you want to be added ? LOL :D

actually I have no comments on this topic !! :P

Ramya said...

"Sorry my Lord,i didnt mean to turn my bro into a sexist!!!"

verbivorehere said...

allengile aanungalkku ahangarama! eni law-nde kurave ullu ;)
a house near nila and ur still wondering im mallu? ;) keep guessing then..am blogrolling ye too, hope its ok!

Varun said...

There's no harm in star gazing. Isn't it? :)

mystiquedew said...

Vimmu...

Most of the public transport thingies are an absolute pain to the women.

There shud be 50 more such posters.

Oxy: equality?? Are u jokin?

Ashish Behera said...

Well to be very truthful dude, I shall put my words into this. I am a northerner from Delhi to be specific. Offenses against women in Northern India are far too disgusting to even speak of. But sometimes innocent guys are roped into the very airy rules. Actually harassment in itself is a very airy verb. To put my two words into this -> I don't find it harassment if you smile at a woman who is particularly looking good. I think women like it if they are given a very sober and likable smile. Even in ancient India people had very good ways of greeting good looking women and they are given the first step always. It is a privilege provided to women. On the other hand --> winking, making lewd remarks and stalking should always be put into harassment. This is something that is too much rampant in Delhi that genuine smiles go noticed as harassment, unfortunately. Personally I believe women nowadays feel more insecure because of unwanted elements in society being more rampant.
Another Take -> I also use my music player and humm around a lot, fortunately I have never faced the situation like yours :P but if I do then I would simply shrug off the incidence. It is always better to ignore an attack which has no consequence.
Ashes

The man who will see tomorrow because tomorrow never comes said...

Athayathu shyamala.... mannum chari ninnavan pennum kondu pokum... pennine kondu nadannavan manninadiyil aakum. athode ellam sambhavami guhe guhe... pakshe inganeyokke aanelum thallu kittumbo ellam seriyakum. Appo okke good night aakum :-D

vimmuuu said...

@ Rekha :

and y do you have no comments??

Well, we men need a rule to...aaah, never mind !!!

@ Ramya :

Now, now, now..when we males voice out our opinion, we turn into chauvnist, sexist, etc., huh? But I am happy that you came back, happy to have provoked you!!!

@ Verbivorehere:

LOL. Oru law njangalkkum aayikoodey???

Thanks for blogrolling and I dont mind at all.I consider it a privilege to ge blog rolled by the new future Booker prize winner.

vimmuuu said...

@ Varun :

Depends on what kind of star you choose to gaze?LOL.

@ Mystique Dew :

Do you think 50 posters would solve all the problem?? It would take men (not all) another 50 decades to behave decently with women!!!

@ Ashish Behera :

Welcome to V-Lokam.

If certain women likes getting smiles, why do not they return it back? LOL. On the contrary, I am afraid to smile or even admire (not stare) the beauty of a woman out of the fear that I might get embarassed. What if she screams yaar? LOL. You are right, because of one fraction of idiotic men, the entire 'men' race is under bad light.

I would never sing at all if a unknown woman is next to me.LOL.

@ Sujith :

Enddhhu?????

Mangalasseri Neelakandan said...

Eda koppe... Ente pereduthu vilikkaruthu.... As well as... enikkathu ishtalla...

Sujith Krishnan said...

Dear Mr.Vimal,

Please note that girls dont get pissed off just coz u r singing - ur song could prove to be potential harrassment to ears of a few... may be. Or it could be a combination of your presence and that voice. So there are multiple chances.

But let me tell you a fact, girls know very clearly when you are innocent and when you are not. Though you do try hard to give that innocent look, that 'kalla lakshanam' doesnt help your cause much. Therefore I suggest you to avoide your presence itself from the gals ;-)

Jokes apart, dear girl bloggers / followers of this blog - Please note that this guy is 'really' innocent though his fotos say otherwise :-D

Cheers,
Suji!

kowthas said...

Oh absolutely you are right! I think the board ought be corected to reflect 'person' and not 'woman' anymore. Once upon a time perhaps, not anymore are women the only ones harrassed.
In fact these days I see a likelihood of men being harrassed in more ways than imaginable.

rads

Nautankey said...

Perspectives I guess.Frankly had seen men who do desperate things and things which i cant type in here..so its fine with the rules. About misuse,I suppose every rule/law has been misused and the fear of misuse cannot stop us from having a law.

Ashish Behera said...

The matter seem to overhyped. Posters and singers, well we surely are going places with this conversation. I think it does not really matter if you are singing or humming around as long as others feel ignored by you. You just need to ignore people around. I have a peculiar way of doing this. I put my iPod while singing or humming. This way even in Delhi Metro Rails super rush no one seems to be that in problem. Specially I take trains which have maximum DU student crowds, thus, this also has a lot of young girls. They just be themselves. I feel, guys become edgy when some beautiful girl is around. Just be yourself, that's my advice. In this world of victimization, ignorance is a bliss.

harshasrisri said...

so... u're blogging from a jail....? :P

arvind1187 said...

equality of men and women ..
that will take lot of time .

women / girl should be brave ..not just take sit and watch a guy talking nonsense to her thinking that he is a guy ..
unless they think that they are equal to a guy and start fighting back, harassing would never stop ..
and yes man get harassed too but its so less that we hardly witness it .. once it gets more i am sure there will be posters with tag
Stop harassing guys !!! :D

vimmuuu said...

@ Sujith :

Again, whaaaaa???

@ Rads :

Welcome to V-Lokam.

You are right. Its time they changed it to 'person'. No one is safe in our country.

@ Vinod :

Welcome to V-Lokam.

Yeah, its most of the times men harassing women. But all Iam asking is for a law for us men !!! LOL

@ Ashish :

But women doesnt let us ignore them that easily, na? LOL.

@ Harsha :

ROFL. and yeah, I got bailed last week. LOL.

@ Arvind :

yup, thats what you could find in my reply for some of the earlier comments. Women has to stand up for their rights. As long as that dont happen, men will continue to act uncivilised. and is that " Stop harassing guys" or " Stop harassing, guys" LOL.

Ashish Behera said...

Well someone has been having fun impersonating, thank god :) someone impersonates me, I only thought impersonation is only for celebrities... Nice really nice, kudos to the one who has been doing this... I love these kinda people, in fact if they are caught in the act of "Harassment" they will easily get out of it by impersonation...
see quoted text below


"@ Ashish :

But women doesnt let us ignore them that easily, na? LOL.
"

Vinz aka Vinu said...

Dude...great post...

this one reminded me one incident where i was traveling with my sister from ernakulam to trichur...we both were sitting together and was in one the front seats in the bus...one middle aged lady came and was staring in a weird way as if i was doing something illegal over there..!! she was murmering something in a hush sound to her friend..and oi overheard them saying 'look at this guy who is sitting with a grown up girl..!! i was embarrassed a bit initially and then let my embarrassment evaporate thinking to hell with her attitude..

i think we should put up some banners in defense of males too...!!

:)

vimmuuu said...

@ Vinu :

I know, its time we did. But the women folk then would have a banner against our banner LOL.

Anonymous said...

Why do you think Girls might object to your humming and singing in their presence? It is because there are many uncouth, uncivilised-educated/uneducated people who start singing dis tasteful songs when a women happens to pass them by.
Sometimes womenfolk retaliate, sometimes they do not. The fear of being stalked, Acid attacks, Rapes, Molestation, Shaming-being ostracised if they raise their voice is too overpowering and so they tend to ignore the miscreants and feel ashamed of their bodies. It is also becaue womenfolk in india are conditioned into believing that it is their mistake if they have been harassed! They are more often then not brought up to be submissive rather than assertive!
And men are always excused by the society. "Boys will be boys" "The girl must have done something to provoke those innocent boys" mentality has to change. In many cases It is changing.
At time when decent men smile at them, the women feels threatened and snub them because the men who leer outnumber the men who are decent. A woman Has to be alert 24/7. Rarely can she be relaxed in true senses.